Father, last night, I suddenly began to see a glimpse of the dreadful yeast of sin in the world - how everything has been affected for so many eons. No wonder nature cries out for release! Why don’t we? Because we’re the cause of the plague! We are blind – blind! I’m becoming increasingly aware of the vast chasm between the external life and the internal life. The external life (in the world) consists of flawed, pathetic corruption. Your perfection is visible everywhere but isn’t to be found in the world except through you. The internal life of close communion with you is in absolute contrast. There is no evil there, only breathtaking beauty. My heart and soul and spirit long to live only in your realm, and yet, it’s as if I’m regularly drawn back to the ugliness of the world. At these times, there is great heaviness and sorrow. I want this no more, dear Lord!
Everything that is of the world is marred. Beauty is defiled with ugliness. Our highest deeds are tainted with pride and selfishness. We find no real satisfaction in this world. Dust, disease, germs, weeds – everywhere the stink of corruption. Oh Lord, I’m also responsible for this! I too play my part. Every harsh word, every selfish thought, every proud act – all these have far-reaching consequences. Not only do they corrupt me but others who commune with me as well as all your Creation. Each time I disobey you, someone or something, somewhere, is adversely affected.

There are no germs beyond Earth’s atmosphere . . .

The so-called ‘little’ things too, like squashing a caterpillar or overeating, saying unkind things to others - every time I do something like that, your natural balance is thrown out even further. The world is crying, ‘Greenpeace’, ‘The god within us” – ‘the New Age coming’. They say, ‘We are in control of our own destiny’; ‘We don’t need old-fashioned, superstitious and formal religion. That is not for the thinking man!’ - but reality is the exact opposite. We certainly haven’t replaced superstitious religion with the so-called ‘power of our enlightened minds’!
Look at us! Just look at the way we’ve allowed ourselves to be deceived! Our 'enlightened' minds are destroying the world and everyone in it – and very quickly too. I marvel at our blindness. Do we honestly think that it will get better if we haven’t even started to get it right yet? It’s every man for himself, no matter how pious our outer words appear. We’ve exchanged gentle for harsh, good for bad, quiet for rowdy, kindness for cruelty, force for gentleness and humility. Chaos, filth and dirt everywhere. Hunger, rape, murder, greed - increasing, increasing! What was once breathtakingly beautiful – your gift of the earth to us – is so dirty now that little of beauty is left and we have to look intently at you to bear the horror of it all!
We bend for a moment to smell a rose and even that is infested with greenfly, marred around the edges of its meant-to-be-perfect petals. We did that, not you! We’ve all gone our own way, willingly . . . We would have chosen the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil too!!!! The rules for perfection were laid out from the beginning. Rules that each proudly decided to ‘overcome’. I feel sick thinking about this. Our pride actually prefers to choose death – death of hope, death of soul and spirit, death of all that is lovely and beautiful.
We rail in frustration against the weather. How dare we shake our fists and revile you? We complain about our circumstances as if we deserve better - particularly when our own wrong actions and wrong decisions have plenty to do with it! We covet what someone else has, as if the obtaining of this thing will satisfy although, time and again, we are disappointed when you graciously allow us to sample the bland, tasteless fruit of ‘owning’ it. We never learn through our own so-called ‘wisdom’! We’re angry and bitter towards our fellow man. Instead of searching our own hearts, selfish desires and evil motives, we turn like vipers to blame anyone but ourselves. Not only this, but we do so with such disgusting pride that we delude ourselves into believing that we’re nowhere near as bad as the next man! We resent growing old or getting ill but, again, our sin is directly or indirectly the cause – all the way back to Adam. When our plans and strategies don’t turn out the way we envision, we blame you, Lord - not having the common sense to see that our self-made plans are a huge part of the world’s problem. We look at our infinitesimal part in the whole and think we’re so vitally important! We really believe that our way is right! Why don’t we allow you to direct us moment by moment? The day we do, this out-of-kilter world will be perfected. We feel that the consequences of Adam’s curse are unfairly visited upon us. I know that if I had been there, I would have done the same thing, Lord. We have no excuse. Sin pervades our very beings from birth.
Dear Father in heaven, how you must love us! I would have abandoned us ungrateful, arrogant wretches to their just fate long, long ago. There is a huge lump in my throat, Lord . . . because I am an ungrateful, arrogant wretch too, deserving destruction and your eternal anger - but you love me with a never-ending passion instead! You share your heart and soul and spirit with me! You bind my often self-inflicted wounds and wipe away my usually self-inflicted tears.
You look down upon us writhing in our cesspit of grabbing and grasping and filth, and you are consumed with love! Why? We destroy the glorious place you gave us to live in, we murder our brothers - the works of your hands, we even murdered YOU!
I used to wonder why you created us with free will. It seemed so self-defeating somehow. My finite mind can’t grasp the whole reason but if I attempt to put myself in your place, the thought of my children being perfectly programmed robots is suddenly abhorrent. If I were love (as you are) what intimate, genuine communion could I share with them? They would have no choice but to love me, therefore their love would be artificial and totally unfulfilling. You do know best.
Perfection and evil cannot unite or commune. They are not opposites. Perfection is itself. Evil is corrupted perfection - nothing in or of itself but something that once was perfect. Without the perfection of Christ we can’t possibly ‘uncorrupt’ ourselves. The very nature of corruption negates any possibility of saving itself. Evil simply cannot fight evil. Without you the yeast of corruption grows until perfection becomes almost invisible. Perfection cannot be destroyed because it IS, but evil continues to to obliterate the gut-wrenching 'guilt' of perfection. Only perfection can destroy corruption by burning away all that is corrupt, but never the other way around.
What you did for us is beyond comprehension. I see how utterly abhorrent sin is to you, Father, when I look at the cross. It was at the very moment that Jesus became my sin that you abandoned him! That is what my sin deserves, not your love! Yet, for no other reason than pure love, you who are perfect willingly took on my gross corruption so that I would never have to suffer the eternal, properly righteous consequence of my own disgusting pride! This blasts my mind. I think of the cruelties I inflicted on people I profess to love, the filth of word and deed, the pain I've caused, and what I will probably do in the future - and it’s horrible……! You bore my filth, you bore the filth of every man who has lived, who lives and who will live. Perfection allowed Himself to become our hellish filth and selflessly bore the fair punishment that is rightfully ours until resurrection destroyed corruption’s power forever more!
Of course, I have experienced first-hand that there are certain natural consequences related to my sinful actions, but your awesome grace consistently turns them into victory as you shine your light into my heart. In fact, your grace destroys corruption and replaces it with perfection! The school of consequential knocks is a glorious (though painful) testimony to your power to destroy corruption! My eyes are opened when you show me the consequences of my sin. This revelation horrifies and disgusts but does not crush me, although my heart breaks! It causes me to see YOU. In you, Lord, there is now eternal hope in my weakness, joy in my tears and perfection taking over my corruption.