Depression, part I

We have all felt low at times, but depression goes much deeper than that. Major depression is a serious illness that affects a person's family and personal relationships, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health. There is an inability to experience pleasure in activities that were formerly enjoyed. Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred. In severe cases, depressed people may even have symptoms of psychosis. These symptoms include delusions or, less commonly, hallucinations, usually of an unpleasant nature. Other symptoms of depression include poor concentration and memory (especially in those with melancholic or psychotic features), withdrawal from social situations and activities, reduced sex drive, and thoughts of death or suicide.

What are the causes of depression? Well, scientists do not all agree on the causes, but they do agree that both context and inheritance lay the foundation for depression. What they disagree about is which plays the bigger part and, more specifically, how it affects the individual. What you have experienced plays a part in how you cope with the future and also how high a mental threshold you have. We all have different physical pain thresholds, and the same goes for psychological thresholds. The tricky part here is to know what comes first: do I have a low psychological threshold because of what I have experienced or do I experience things in that way because of my low psychological threshold?

For the individual that isn’t the main issue! The main issue for a depressed person is to come back to life. And how can one do that? Is that possible? Yes, it is!! In two articles I will describe how. I will tell you personal things about myself as well, because I want you to trust me and see that what I say is true and not simply words or knowledge collected from a bunch of books! What I am about to tell you is self-experienced. I do have academic grades from university, but that knowledge was not really what helped me. You can have all the knowledge in the world and speak all the language that ever existed, or you can have incredible riches and wealth but, if you do not have Jesus Christ, of what use are all these things? You may win the world but you will lose your soul and mind and heart!

When I was 18 month old, I experienced a loss that affected the rest of my life. I lost everything I knew and the people I was attached to. My mother died giving birth to me and I was placed in an orphanage. My subsequent adoption was done in the name of love, because the authorities thought I would have a better life. Sadly, I did not. I was brought up by a family who were abusive. For as long as I can remember I was emotionally abused. At the age of 4, I was sexually abused by a family member. In fact, every member in my family abused me either sexually or/and physically at one time and another. When I was 14, I begin cutting myself. By the time I was 16 or 17, I was anorexic, begin to drink a lot and lived a wild life. When I was 19, I tried to kill myself. At 22, I met my future husband and that was a turning point that deserves its own story, because it was so obvious God that put us together, but this is not the place for that story.

So yes, I married. We have two boys and lived happily ever after ...... or did we? I struggled with life but did not know what I was fighting or why I was feeling so low. I went to therapy for several years and things did get somewhat better but there was still something missing in my life. I didn’t know what it was. From the outside, I seemed to have a good life - a loving husband, two healthy children, a job that I loved and a church where we all participated. And then – out of nowhere on the 14th of December 2005 - I was hit by a car and sustained a serious whiplash injury. At the same time, other things that affected my life also took place. Actually, that was the end of a specific period in my life and the start of something new - but I did not know it then.

I grew up in a Christian family and, on the 4th of July 2004, I was born again. I tried to live close to Jesus, read His word and I always prayed a lot, but I still felt empty to a degree. Then, last autumn, something happened to me. Let me simply say that the things I thought were important and held as precious, I do no more. I am now emotionally whole.